Photo of a water fountain gushing water into a lake

From Rashana Grant on Unsplash

My boyfriend is very into squirting, but I’ve never squirted and no matter how hard we try I just can’t. Is something wrong with me? Why can’t I squirt?

Nope! Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Some people squirt easily, and some people never squirt. Every body is different.

Let’s take a quick step back and talk about what squirting even is.

Squirting is slang for what’s sometimes called “female ejaculation.” Ejaculate (or come/cum) from someone with a vagina is clear or whitish and doesn’t have much of a smell. Like the slang term implies, it usually “squirts” or gushes. It typically doesn’t come out of the vagina, but out of your urethra. (This is the small hole right above your vagina that urine comes out of. That being said, squirting is not the same as urinating or peeing.)

Like we said, every body is different.

Some people with vaginas ejaculate easily, while others never ejaculate. Some people release just a little fluid, while others release a lot. Different sex acts can make different people ejaculate. You might ejaculate when you have an orgasm (or come/cum), or when you don’t. All of this is completely normal.

For some people, squirting can be a fun, pleasurable experience. Other people don’t like the feeling, or feel self-conscious about it. Some people want to experience squirting, while others don’t! Whatever you feel about it, those feelings are valid.

It’s also worth mentioning that in porn, squirting may not always reflect most people’s experiences.

Often, porn actors will appear to release way more fluid than most people with vaginas do when they ejaculate. For some people, squirting is a lot less dramatic (think of a drinking fountain vs. a firehose).

You mention that your boyfriend is very into squirting, but you don’t talk about your own feelings.

Do you want to squirt? How do you feel about trying so hard to make it happen? Has trying to squirt been fun for you both? Or has it been frustrating? The fact that you’re worried that something is wrong with you makes us think that maybe this hasn’t been a positive experience, but a stressful one.

Has your boyfriend made you feel like something is wrong with you?

If so, that’s not ok! You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Your partner should make you feel safe and supported—not put down or like you have to prove yourself to them. There’s a big difference between a) wanting to make your partner feel good and having a fun time in the process, and b) trying hard to make your boyfriend happy at the expense of your own comfort, pleasure, and sense of self-worth.

Think through what you’re feeling about the situation and what you want.

And then, if you haven’t already and you feel safe bringing it up, talk with your boyfriend about it. If you’d like to take a break from trying to squirt (or stop altogether), let them know! If you feel fine continuing to try to ejaculate, that’s of course ok—but make sure you’re having fun and communicating. And don’t be afraid to ask for what you want! Relationships (and sex) shouldn’t be one-sided. They should be about what both partners want and need.

If you don’t feel safe and comfortable talking honestly with your boyfriend, ask yourself why.

Does he say or do things that make you feel silly, stupid, or like “something is wrong with you”? If so, think hard about why you’re with him and if you want to stay together. Again, you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe and shows you love and respect. If you want more info on healthy and unhealthy relationships, check out Love is Respect.

Since we’re talking about sex…

Remember to use condoms or another barrier method during sex to prevent the spread of STIs. If you’re having or thinking about having penis-in-vagina sex, use condoms and another method of effective birth control (like an IUD, implant, or the pill) to prevent pregnancy. In addition, make sure both you and your partner understand the ins and outs of consent.

10-26 years old in NYC? Call 212-423-3000 to get confidential, comprehensive health care including birth control, STI testing and treatment, vaccines, physicals, and so much more at the Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center—all under one roof, at no cost to you!